5/27/08: Losing Faith

I have come to a point where nothing satisfies.
I want to be alone. I want to connect. I want to know seclusion. I want to be close.
There is no pleasing me. I can please no one.
Such a misleading girl has never existed in the world.
And I am still a pine needle, invisible on the surface of the wide, dark sea.

My life is inversely proportional.
I need what I do not want and I do not want what I need.
I do not want to be needed. I only want to need another.
And I despise the roads of the heart but I miss love with a golden, yearning burst sometimes.
I pine for the completeness of being a puzzle piece, and I was for a time,
closely matched with another.
Our jagged edges met and made a smooth picture.
Seperate now, I am reduced once more to a jagged piece of a lost and most likely nonexistent
pretty picture. Perhaps it's all been nothing more than a dream.
And I, the gullible dreamer, allowed myself to be blissfully mislid into a fleeting moment of happiness,
only to better know the biting feeling of not having it, and that of
once having it and succesfully losing it.