Everything I Say Is Wrong

He always asks me to never stop loving him.

Irrational.
Pointless.
Unnecessary.

I tell him, finally, that I love him very much but would he please stop talking like that.
I said,
Why waste our limited time together
worrying about things that are merely hypothetical.
My halted love is merely a speculation of the future.
It is putting pressure on the present.
On our relationship.
I tell him all of this in the most reassuring, not accusatory,
way possible.
I really tried so much to make it the most harmless it could be.

But everything I say is wrong.
And before I know it we are arguing.
And he is playing with my necklace and not looking in my eyes.
Smiling at my friend who is playing behind me.
Agreeing with every damn thing I say.

He says he is upset because I care about nothing.

Obviously I care because I'm attempting to reassure him that
his fears are groundless and they are wasting our time.

I suppose what he wants is a girlfriend who will always mope and
harp about the possible doom of everything she loves.
Constantly sludging around in a gloom.
This must be what he wants.

I do care so much about him.

But I refuse to create an eggshell path for my words.
Words are valuable and should be used carefully and wisely,
but they should not be limited.
They should not be confined.

In a nutshell, this whole situation is bullshit.
And this blog is the cushion for my frustration.

If there were a real cushion, it would be threadbare by now.

I wish he could trust me.
That's what this is all about.
His inability to trust me due to the many people who
screwed him over in the past.
I like to think that by now, he knows me well enough to trust in me.

Obviously, everything I say is wrong
and I am quite often mistaken.