Sunless Universe

One of the things I've come to enjoy the most in life ironically comes right before one of the things I hate the most in life. The ladder being school, especially since the departure of my Love (the halls and classrooms are empty and unfulfilling without him there to greet me and walk with me), the thing I love being the journey to school.

Sharing a vehicle with my friends in the early dawn hours, before the sun has risen, with the music leaking out of the cracked windows and our hearts beating in time with whatever beat we've chosen, is absolutely the best way to start the day. In a sense the experience is a tease, leading me to believe that it will be a good day and I will enjoy myself, whatever circumstances unfold. This is wrong.

The moment I step out of the car is not the first time I feel alone.
Neither is the walk to the building which imprisons me and attempts to force me to open my mind to knowledge I don't wish to receive.
It is the entrance.
The moment I know that after the first period of the eight I will drift through will not give me him.
The place he used to come for me is now barren and gray, his image still there, an illusion, evanescant and shimmering, showing me what I'm missing when I realize that he isn't real.

I don't know why this has happened. I don't know when it will end. But I know that my life is deadened by his abscence. Even the music ride in the morning is tainted by the sadness which has taken residence in my heart since he disappeared. Basically, take every good emotion that I felt when he was still here and his hand was open to mine, and reduce it by half. Then take every bad emotion and multiply it by half. This is what I am now. An extreme on one side, an understatement on the other. The sun shines but not with promise, the wind blows but doesn't touch me in the same way that it once did. The sounds of the night please but fail to bring me the satisfaction that he could with every small and large thing he did. All the things I loved orbited around him and now that he is gone they are spinning out of control into a universe with no solar system because my sun is no longer here to give them a line to travel.

What am I going to do?